Ok, fair enough, that's a strange title but so many of us don't understand how to process our emotions when something comes to an end.
I have finished studying for the next 3 months, and I won't lie. I feel lost, empty, angry, sad, happy and proud.
Since my breakdown in November 2019, I've studied multiple methods of therapy to help me live a better life, to give myself an understanding of who I am and how I can best help myself as well as others and it's been quite an adventure.
We are told that there are 7 stages of grief, and this is true, but we associate grief with the loss of a person. We really must grieve for whatever in our life has come to an end: the loss of a job, relationship, school or travelling, or anything that's been a big or important part of our life for a long time is going to feel like a loss.
So, currently, I'm grieving because I've finished all my studying - sounds stupid, yes? Well to some it might be, but my studying changed my life. It made me learn new ways to love and to smile and it showed me what pain was and how to move forward. It gave me the opportunity to put some major trauma in my life behind and I'm not held in a choke-hold anymore.
My sub-conscious can feel the change, and it doesn't understand. Why has life suddenly changed almost overnight?
The Seven Stages of Grief
- Shock
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance and hope
- Processing Grief
I'm going to try to explain my grief using the stages above and I hope you understand that feeling these emotions are normal, you just have to understand why...
Shock Well that's obvious - I never thought I would get here, it doesn't feel real, it feels like I'm watching in on someone else's life or memories.
Denial I still don't truly believe all I've achieved, I feel like a fraud, or that someone is playing a trick on me. I feel as though it's a dream and soon I'll wake up and I'll be back to normal.
Anger I'm so, so angry that I had to break to be able to get to this point in my life. I'm also angry it went by so quickly and took so much of my personal time. I'm angry for the moments missed and the memories I didn't make.
Bargaining Currently I'm ordering textbooks for when I go back to studying in November. I have promised myself a new reference book so that I keep going, to prepare for November.
Depression This also sucks but I feel lazy and unmotivated. I have no drive and no desire, and the ending of something I enjoyed so much is making me feel low.
Acceptance and Hope Well I have hope for returning to studying in November, but I'm at that stage to understanding that this one journey has come to and end. The best part tis that I accept how it shaped me into the person I am today.
Processing That's what this blog is about - me processing my emotions and everything I've learned and processed whilst on this journey.
I have to grieve for the old me, the November 2019 version who wanted to just stop the world and get off. Little did I know back then that my mental health would be what saved me in the end.
It doesn't matter what it is - a person, a relationship, a job or a car - if you had an emotional connection towards it then you need to grieve, you need to release it from your subconscious so it's not always hanging around your neck.
I have 3 months now until my new adventure begins and I'm going to use this time to fall back in love with Woodland, my family and my friends, celebrations will be had but right now, a duvet and a good cry is what's going to get me through.
If you're suffering with grief from any loss in your life, why not book a FREE Discovery Call to see if I can help you through the bad times?